The Dark Load of the Sith
by Loke Groundrunner
Summary: While Palpatine's away at a seminar, Lord Vader has to do his laundry! Disaster is evident.


The Dark Load of the Sith

Darth Vader stood in the docking bay of the Imperial Palace. He was bidding Emperor Palpatine farewell as the Sith Lord was preparing to go to a _How to be an Intimidating, Frightening and Just Plain Really Bad Dude _seminar.

Palpatine rambled off a list of things he wanted his apprentice to do while Vader nodded dumbly and said, "Yes, Master."

"Be sure to polish my Sith sculptures, you know how easily they tarnish," said Sidious.

"Yes, Master," responded Vader in monotone.

"Don't stay up all night reading Naruto or watching cheesy horror Holodramas."

"Yes, Master."

"And one last thing," said Palpatine. "Make sure you do my laundry! It's been sitting down in the laundry room for weeks now!"

"I will make it my top priority to do your laundry," said Vader sternly.

"I hope you do," said Palpatine threateningly. "I do not tolerate failure. You do recall what happened to those stormtroopers who failed to eliminate a certain popstar with a questionable attraction to children, correct?"

"No, I do not."

"Let's just say they're six feet under."

"You killed them?"

"No," said Palpatine. "They're just stuck selling copies of the first season of Six Feet Under."

Palpatine walked up to a _Lambda_-class shuttle nearby. The boarding ramp descended and two royal guards escorted him inside. The shuttle flew out of a lowering blast door and Vader watched as it flew into Coruscant's atmosphere.

The Dark Lord looked around and began jumping up and down. "YIPPIE!" he cheered. "I'm free!"

Later on, Vader was in the laundry room, trying to figure out what to do. He had dumped the laundry into the washing machine but he couldn't find the detergent.

The laundry was mostly black robes, but Vader noticed a few pairs of briefs with the slogan 'The Sith Hits the Fan' written on the front.

He was also extremely suspicious when he found a brassiere among the laundry. _Master couldn't be a cross-dresser, could he? _Thought Vader shuddering at the thought. _Oh well, better find that detergent. _

_This isn't like Palpy, _he thought after another ten minutes of searching for the soap. _He always gives me instructions how to do something. Like that time that Kowakian monkey-lizard was on the loose in the kitchen. _

FLASHBACK:

"What are you waiting for!" bellowed Sidious as the monkey-lizard threw pots and pans at him. "Get off your lazy, charbroiled (Bleep!) and kill this thing!"

Vader was too busy sitting on a barstool drinking caf spiked with Sullustan gin to care.

END OF FLASHBACK:

"Come to think of it," said Vader aloud, "How was I able to drink that caf anyway? I would have shorted out!" Forgetting that strange moment, he saw an unmarked bottle sitting next to the dryer.

"This must be it!" exclaimed Vader in triumph. He opened the bottle and poured a rainbow-colored liquid into the washing machine. He closed the door of the washing machine and turned it on.

Vader walked out of the laundry room and said, "Now that that's done, I'm off to my room!"

Vader was in his room, listening to his Sarah McLachlan tapes while reading one of his many volumes of Naruto.

He had just finished listening to _I Will Remember You _when someone knocked at his door.

"What?" demanded the Dark Lord. He opened the bedroom door and bellowed, "WHO DARES DISTURB THE DARK LORD OF THE SITH WHILE HE'S READING A MANGA MASTERPIECE!"

A stormtrooper had been the one who was knocking. "I'm sorry if this was a bad time sir," he said. "But a group of youth were knocking at the central door. They said they wanted to talk to you."

Vader's breathing sounded more fearsome than usual. "Very well, commander. Take me to see these youth."

The Imperial Death March played as Darth Vader and a squad of stormtroopers approached the Imperial Palace's central entrance. About seven kids stood at the entrance, they were dressed in brown uniforms and weird-looking hats.

"What is it that you want from me?" said Vader loudly to the children.

"Would you please buy some cookies from us, sir?" asked a Twi'lek girl. "Yeah please!" begged a human boy. "It'll help us help beings less fortunate than ourselves," said a Zabrak girl.

"NO!" shouted Vader. "Open fire on them!" The stormtroopers began shooting at the kids, scaring them away. "AHHHH!" burbled a Quarren boy. "I guess we could always try Imperial Plaza next!" shouted a Gran boy.

After they ran away, Vader walked back to the turbolift and went back to his room.

The next morning, Vader took the clothes out of the washing machine and put them in the dryer, he was still half-asleep at the time. Later on, he went back into the laundry room to take them out.

As he opened the dryer door he let out a horrified scream. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

He reached into the dryer and pulled out one of Palpatine's robes. It was the size of a doll's dress and was dyed rainbow colors.

"Palpy's gonna kill me!" cried Vader. He pulled out more of the laundry, everything was shrunk and dyed. Even a pair of underpants was dyed with the words 'Groovy' written on it.

"Sithspawn!" swore Vader. "I'd better come up with a good excuse or I'm dead!"

"Lord Vader!" shouted a familiar voice. "I'm home!"

"Aw nuts!"

"…..And then the hippie Jedi poured dye in your laundry and shrunk it," lied Vader.

"WHAT KIND OF MORON DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?" screamed Sidious. He then made his voice sound scarier than usual. "I have quite a fiendish punishment for you."

Vader swallowed hard. "And what would that be?"

"You'll see."

Palpatine stood in Imperial Plaza shouting into a megaphone.

"You know him as Darth Vader, the Dark Lord of the Sith, the Strangler of Subordinates, the Bad-Ass Breathing Boy, but now he's taken on a new role: DARTH DAREDEVIL!"

Vader was strapped down to a platform as professional swoop-riders jumped over him and carnival music played in the background.

A crowd of beings were assembled in the plaza, watching as the riders jumped over the imperiled Sith Lord. Sidious continued shouting into the megaphone and started throwing crap-flavored protein cubes at the audience.

"Come one, come all! See if Lord Vader will survive the day!"

"I'll get you for this Palpatine, you---"

Vader was cut off as the roar of the swoop engines grew louder.


End file.
